A lot of life.
A lot of death.
A lot of coming & going.
A lot of stripping & reidentifying.
Before & After.
The then and the now.
Then I got the call.
January 27, 2014, at 3:14 p.m. I got a call from an unknown number, which I do not normally answer, but I did this one. It was my doctor’s office.
A growth.
A mass.
A tumor.
Large, not small… not medium. A very large growth on what he felt looked like was on my nasopharynx.
A single moment like this for anyone has monumental effects of the human heart and mind. Some things in this life just permeate.
You cannot fully comprehend the impact a few short words will have until you are in that exact moment. Even then and even now, it still echoes.
This tumor has been identified within me now for ten years. Ten years of growth, honing in on relearning identity, grieving, persevering, and overcoming.
Never once did I want to be defined by an illness or a disease. I never wanted a label placed on my shoulder for what I have or the cards I have been dealt. From the early days of finding out, I knew God had given me a choice to press on and through or to sit and draw back. And I believe, to the best of my ability, I have pressed on and through.
We are not defined by our circumstances.
We are not defined by what others say.
We are not defined by praise.
We simply are the identity that deconstructs us down to our bones of who Christ has molded us to be.
This journey has been wild. So many ups and downs, but the one consistent has been the surroundings of people who have prayed, encouraged, supported, and have been a rhythmic pattern of community that has just so deeply impacted me.
I have witnessed so much loss over the past ten years, but I have equally received an immense amount of gain. Establishing roots, formulating boundaries, and then at the root, knowing who I am (and continuing to understand this) in Christ in such a way that goes beyond anything I have learned.
