…in a pumpkin patch far, far away…I was feeling cranky and blue. Distant, perhaps in a fog of mood. It was warm, much like today will be.
Everything changed that day. I had a seizure and got to ride in an ambulance. I was told I had a mass in my brain and that I needed surgery as soon as possible to save my life. I later found out I had stage four brain cancer.
As much as I don’t remember of that day and the next, and the next…I remember very clearly waking up in that ambulance to see the EMT smiling and talking to me with a reassuring voice that stopped the panic before it could even begin. I remember the ER doctor holding my hand and sitting close while she told me about the beast in my brain. I remember the frightened looks on my kids faces as they walked in to see me before they left for home. I remember my husband’s face as he fought to remain calm while he asked all of the questions I would never have thought to ask. I remember the kindness of the nurses and doctors as I arrived at Stanford and settled in for a multitude of scans and tests while I waited for a craniotomy.
After brain surgery, radiation and chemo, I’m still alive and functioning. I’ve had some setbacks, but to think where I could be: the risks and potential disabilities as a side effect of brain surgery, the physical damage of chemo and radiation, the financial devastation if we didn’t have insurance, the psychological trauma if we didn’t have such loving friends and family…I could be dead. But I’m not.
As hard as that first year was, I feel blessed to be here. To have the time to cherish my family, to teach my kids critical life skills and watch them do the things they love – like play guitar and dance, to hold my husband’s hand as we walk down the street, to read yet another great book. All things easy to take for granted when you’re not counting every day as one more chance.
The typical survival rate for someone with a Glioblastoma Multiforme is dismal. As my neurosurgeon told me ‘Now we know HOW you’re going to die, we just don’t know WHEN.’ Well, so far, I’m beating the worst of the odds. The beast is locked away for now and I have a team of doctors and specialists who are the best at what they do. I am lucky to live so close to Stanford and to know that my doctors work together to give me the best care possible. I am also lucky to qualify for a clinical trial that just may help make my survival legendary – along with so many other people who will discover they have a GBM.
18 months tumor free and counting.