My Dad and the Legacy He Left

My father was a healthy 72 year old when he was diagnosed with GBM in June 2022. On June 3, just one day after my dad was visiting us in VA for my son’s high school graduation he suffered an absence seizure at my home. After being rushed to ER and then a local cancer center it was determined that my dad had an inoperable brain tumor.

My dad was an avid walker and would walk 1-2 hours a day with my mom every day. Once he started chemo and radiation that was taken away from him. He did 8 weeks of chemo and radiation at a dosage designed for a 35 year old because he was so healthy. He completed all treatments but a week after was admitted into ICU with sepsis and other complications from treatment. He then received a shunt at UPenn which improved his quality of life a little bit, and my dad continued to remain positive but eventually the disease took over in January and he begin to have a very poor quality of life until May 17, 2023, when he passed in his home with me and the rest of our family by his side. My mom was the primary caregiver for him the entire time..sacrificing her life and well-being to.take care of his every need.

Below is part of the eulogy I gave at my father’s funeral…

What is legacy?

In its simplest definition legacy is all planned and unplanned, positive tangible and intangible gifts created during a lifetime which remain longer than the persons’ life.

I’ve thought about what my dad’s legacy will be? We can just look in the front rows here today and really everyone in this church…that could be his legacy. His wife, his children, his in-laws, his nieces and nephews, and all his grandchildren as well as all their successes could be his legacy. My dad’s legacy could be the unbreakable bond of husband and wife, father and son, father and daughter, and putting God, family and country first. The way my mom provided and cared for my dad’s every need over the past year is a testament to the commitment and adoration they had for one another. His legacy partnered with my mom could be doing whatever it took to raise four kids in a small town and to give us the best education around so that we were put into positions to be successful. Sometimes that meant my mom and dad working much more than 40 hours a week at all hours of the night doing jobs they did not like. My dad even started his own videography business called Videos for All Occasions which consisted mostly of recording wedding events and providing these lasting memories to the bride and groom. 

My dad’s legacy could be that he lived a good life, provided and sacrificed for his family, and together with my mom setting up their children and grandchildren to be successful. My dad’s legacy could be the compassion he shared for animals and his love for cake, movies, parties, weddings, graduations, baptisms, communions, confirmations, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and really any occasion that brought the family together. My dad’s legacy can be his ability to make others laugh. My dad’s favorite movies were Christmas Vacation, Mean Girls, and Moonstruck. He could recite the lines in those movies word for word. He loved these movies because they made him laugh and made other people around him laugh with him. Just hearing his laugh made you want to laugh with him. Gramps was also known as the baby whisperer. Could this be his legacy? He could get a baby to stop crying at anytime with his genuine words and gentle touch.

I think for me, my dad’s legacy will be that he was a fighter, a quiet fighter navigating through everyday life in an ever changing and often a chaotic world. However, it wasn’t until his diagnosis that he began his championship fight and his warrior mentality surfaced battling a relentless and incurable disease and taking punch after punch from all the tests, procedures, the radiation and the chemo treatments he had undergone which by the way were designed to treat a 35 year old. My dad never played an organized sport, never boxed or wrestled. I’m not sure if he was ever in a physical altercation of any sort but he is the toughest person I know with a heart of lion. He was determined to beat this unforgiving and unfair disease and would always talk about the positive. For example, when he was in the hospital in VA, there was a children’s cancer center connected to the building he was in and he would often tell me, I can’t wish the cancer away and I will not say why me but why not me” He would tell me that he believed he was diagnosed with cancer so that he can take the place of a child so that they wouldn’t have to go through this and that a parent wouldn’t have to suffer the loss of a child . My dad told us he would do everything he could to try to beat cancer and he gave it everything he had. He literally continued to walk and get out of bed each day until his body physically gave out and he was dragging his leg. He pushed his body beyond any limits and through unimaginable pain. I remember after a long stay in the hospital watching him during physical therapy and the therapists would have to ask him to slow down or take a break as they would escort him down the hall learning to walk again. I am a sports fan and love underdog stories and I also played various high school sports but what’s ironic to me is that my dad having never set foot on a football field or basketball court showed me how a non athlete can push himself harder than I ever did in sports. He taught me through his hard work as a parent and his battle with cancer that life is not always fair and can be a living nightmare but to never give up and that nothing worth doing is every easy but you must keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to move forward. Both he and my mom showed me through words and actions that to be successful in life as a parent and in your career you need to put in the time, pay your dues and always try your best and good things will happen.

I’ve learned that cancer tries to break apart families and can get you to question your faith but for our family and because of my mother and father’s strength and determination I believe it only strengthened our family’s relationships and our faith in God. You see, my dad won in the game of life and is now rewarded with eternity in heaven.

In closing, I want to thank the Virginia Hospitals oncology and neurology departments, Allentown Oncology, Wilkes Barre General, University of Pennsylvania, Geisinger and Sloan Kettering, my wife, my son and daughter, my sister and brother in-laws, my sisters and brother, my aunts and uncles, cousins, neighbors, long-distance relatives, my co workers and friends from literally across the country. Your help and prayers for our family and my dad did not go unnoticed. Thank you Father Finn, Monsiegnor Sempa, Hospice of Sacred Heart, and Father Paul for your inspirational words and being there just to listen to my dad. Thank you John, Julie, and Matt for making my father’s time left as comfortable and as peaceful as possible. To my mom, thank you for holding true to your commitments to dad, caring for his every need and exemplifying true love and the power of family.

So what will be my dad’s legacy be to you all here today? That’s up to you….It can be anything you want it to but it’s all here and present, just look around you as you continue on through life’s journey. My dad’s, gramp’s legacy will be in every child and baby you see, every cake you eat, every wedding you attend, every conversation you have with a stranger, every laugh you laugh, every funny movie or show you watch, it will be in every dog you see and in every walk you take by yourself or with a companion. I love you, dad. Rest in peace, and we will never forget you.

TAGGED WITH: #GBMDay

Opinions expressed within this story belong solely to the author and do not reflect the views or opinions of the National Brain Tumor Society.